Heads you lose. Tails you lose. If that’s the bet, do you take it? No.
For many people, that’s how they look at Asking. Making an Ask can be a scary prospect. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. That’s a losing proposition. Yet if you do ask, the result could also go poorly. Another loss.
How do you manage this? The answer for many is – avoid asking. But if you’re trying to bring an innovation into the world, that’s not an option.
Instead, try these three steps:
1. Recognize what’s keeping you from asking.
2. Learn the tactics to overcome that issue.
3. Ask, ask, and ask some more.
Over the past five years, Sara Whiffen of Insights Ignited has worked with Dr. Saras Sarasvathy of the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business to uncover what it is that prevents people from asking. They have interviewed and surveyed successful askers, unsuccessful askers, and those who avoid asking altogether. While there is still a lot of analysis to be done, a few key obstacles to asking are already emerging.
1. Cultural Bias of the Self Made Myth
American culture is deeply rooted in the idea of being self made – lifting yourself up by your own bootstraps. The idea that one person can do it all and grow a successful venture without assistance is completely unrealistic. All innovative ideas require someone to take a chance on them, to opt in to participate. Asks are necessary to grow ideas.
Tactics for Overcoming
Stories of legends are often written to inspire. But they can gloss over many of the gritty details. Take another glance at entrepreneurs you admire. Look deeper into their stories for how Asks have fueled their success. As a tool, Asking is amazingly versatile and can be applied in myriad ways.
2. Excess Empathy
No one likes to be put on the spot. To be cold called, feel unprepared, or blindsided. Everyone has had that experience at some point; feeling time stand still while you search for an appropriate answer to a tough questions. Some people hesitate to make Asks because they identify strongly with that uncomfortable feeling and don’t want to put others in that situation.
Tactics for Overcoming
If you tend to exhibit a high degree of empathy, go ahead and put yourself in the shoes of the person you’ll be asking, but do so from a positive perspective. Imagine them wanting to help, wanting to build a relationship with you, wanting to connect with your idea and move it forward. Phrase your Ask in a way that invites them to collaborate with you. Don’t make demands or leave them feeling as if it is easier to disengage than to form a partnership with you.
3. Fear of Rejection
This is the most common explicit fear. “What if the person I ask says No to my request?” In that case, you won’t get what you want. Which would happen anyway if you didn’t ask. Either way, the outcome is identical. But by putting your Ask out there, you risk a loss of pride. Fear of personal rejection can be even stronger than the fear of not getting your request.
Tactics for Overcoming
Separate yourself from the Ask. A rejection of the request is not a rejection of you personally. It might not even be a rejection of your idea.
Why, then, is the person saying No? For whatever reason they don’t feel that they can commit resources towards your request.
Studies have shown that most people want to respond to requests in a positive way. Take comfort in knowing that as awkward as you felt hearing a No, it’s likely the other party felt just as awkward saying No. Successful salespeople and entrepreneurs alike know you will often hear many No’s before you hear a Yes.
4. Fear of Acceptance
You’ve asked. They’ve said, “Yes”. Now what? You have to deliver. This is when things become real. Now you’re on the hook to make things happen. This can also keep people from Asking.
Tactics for Overcoming
Start with asking yourself “Do I really want to do this?” and “Why?”. Understanding your motivations for entering into this new venture can help you overcome the Fear of Yes. Keep it front of mind when the panic of delivery creeps in or you feel a crisis of confidence and go back to why this new venture matters to you.
Also, now is a good time to lean on your co-founder. Leverage this relationship to ease doubts and improve your ability to follow through on new commitments.
5. Fear of Maybe
Sometimes, hearing a “maybe” can be even worse than a “yes” or “no”. It leaves things in an ambiguous state. It elicits more questions than when you began and throws the Asker back into wondering what the resolution will be. Avoiding this uncertainty is enough to keep some from making an Ask in the first place.
Tactics for Overcoming
Try asking in a more open way. Instead of using “closed” Asks, drive towards a commitment by asking “What would it take to...” or “How could we…”. These lead to more conversational opportunities and give the person being asked more room to discuss options and possibilities. As the asker, you get more insights into how they make decisions, their priorities, and considerations. Even if the discussion results in a “maybe”, you will have more information at your disposal for future interactions.
Moving Forward with Asking
You can’t be a successful entrepreneur without the Ask. It’s a necessary component of bringing innovations out of your head and into the world. If you identify with any of these obstacles to asking, try the tips suggested. And then Ask away. Whatever the answer – you can’t lose.
--Written by Sara Whiffen, Founder & Managing Partner, Insights Ignited LLC
